What are some essential table manners in Japan you should avoid? Here’s a friendly guide to help you give Japanese dining etiquette your best shot! You’ll learn why things are done in certain ways and better understand the customs.
You asked, I’ve responded! I received many questions and personal horror stories thanks to your curious minds. So, following up on our articles on Japanese Dining Etiquette 101 and 20 Things You Should Know Before Visiting Japan, here’s my attempt to answer all your questions!
Remember that although etiquette goes beyond holding one’s chopsticks or being deemed bad-mannered, it’s just a way of showing courtesy to others. If you make a faux pas, it’s not the world’s end! So don’t fret 🙂
Japanese Dining Etiquette Guide (Part 2) – Reader’s Questions
Table of contents
- Japanese Dining Etiquette Guide (Part 2) – Reader’s Questions
- Why are chopsticks placed horizontally and not vertically?
- Where should I place the chopsticks when they’re not in use?
- What is the role of Oshibori, and what’s the correct way of using it?
- Where should the bowls of rice and soup be placed?
- What’s the correct way to eat sushi: with your fingers or chopsticks?
- Are you supposed to dip the fish in soy sauce or rice when eating sushi?
- What’s the correct way of putting Wasabi on your sushi?
- When drinking alcohol, are you supposed to fill each other’s glasses but never your own?
- Confident to dine with Japanese friends or colleagues?
Why are chopsticks placed horizontally and not vertically?
In Japan, chopsticks are always placed horizontally, with the pointed ends on your left so that you don’t touch them when you grab them with your right hand (and vice versa for the lefties).
However, you may notice that our neighbors, China and Korea, place their chopsticks vertically.
So why do Japanese place the chopsticks horizontally when eating? There are two main reasons:
1) It’s considered rude for the tips of the chopsticks to point at the person sitting across from you, especially when the chopsticks have been used.
2) Chopsticks serve as a boundary between you, the eater, and the food in front of you. Ancient Japanese believed that the gods provided food, so chopsticks separated the food (pure) from the humans (impure).
(Note: the rules of chopstick placement become a little more complex at a Cha-Kaiseki 茶懐石, depending on which style of tea ceremony you attend. Ask your peer diners or observe what the others are doing!)
For the dos and don’ts of chopstick etiquette, please read Part 1.
Where should I place the chopsticks when they’re not in use?
If your chopsticks come on a chopstick rest (hashi-oki 箸置き), place them back when not used. If you’re nifty with your hands, fold the paper chopsticks wrapper into a rest, like a mountain or a tie (look up YouTube videos for tips!)
Don’t rest the chopsticks on any bowl or plate in front of you. If the chopsticks didn’t come in a paper wrapper, lay it directly on the tray your food came to you or on the table.
Once you’re done eating, return the chopsticks to the paper holders, or place them on the chopsticks rest, or if none are available, directly on the table/tray. This will signify that you are done eating.
If you were served a fork and/or spoon, place them vertically on the side, like in Western dining, after you finish the meal.
What is the role of Oshibori, and what’s the correct way of using it?
You may have encountered Oshibori (おしぼり) at Japanese restaurants or on your flight to Japan. They are wet towels, either disposable paper towels or towels that may be piping hot or cold, depending on the season. Usually, they are unscented, but some places may be lightly scented.
The word is composed of “O” 御 (an honorific prefix) and the verb “Shiboru” 搾る (to wring out). Oshibori are used to clean your hands before a meal, or if you’re in a high-end restaurant, you may be refreshed with a new one at the end of a meal. While it may be tempting to use an Oshibori to wipe the sweat from your face or neck or to wipe off the food remnants on your chopsticks, this is considered inappropriate.
After using the Oshibori, fold it neatly and place it on your right (if right-handed, left if left-handed), or on the individual tray it came on. Feel free to use it again if you need to wipe your hands during the meal.
Unlike a napkin in a Western meal that you’ll use to wipe your mouth or dirtied hands, your oshibori should always be kept clean. If you accidentally spill liquid or food on your table, do not use the towel to wipe it off. Instead, ask the waiter for paper napkins, or if you have tissue paper on hand, use that instead.
Where should the bowls of rice and soup be placed?
In a Japanese meal, the rice bowl will always be on the side opposite of your dominant hand, so on your left (if right-handed) or right (if left-handed). The bowl of miso soup will be placed on the other side of the rice bowl.
There are several theories on why. The easiest one to remember is that your dominant hand (holding the chopsticks) should never hover above your rice bowl. Rice is the most respected food of all, and Japanese children are taught that leaving grains of rice will make them go blind or that it’s rude to the rice farmers (I hear those other rice-eating countries such as China and Korea have similar sayings). The act of hovering/straddling 跨ぐ is highly looked down upon, whether you hop over something respected and treasured, such as a kimono, a bag of groceries (see above on food provided by the gods), or a sleeping person.
An anecdote: When I was younger, I stepped over a pile of stacked books at my grandparents’ house to get to the other side of the room. In my defense, the books were in the way but not stacked up too high, so stepping over was more convenient than going around them. My usually sweet-natured and gentle grandmother was horrified by my act and gave me the scolding of a lifetime I will never forget.
Even if it may seem convenient, never hop over people or things deemed respectable.
What’s the correct way to eat sushi: with your fingers or chopsticks?
The short answer: both are acceptable.
Some sushi masters are notorious for requesting their customers to eat using their fingers, believing “it tastes better.” They say that using your fingers will prevent the shari (the rice) from crumbling, which happens sometimes when you pick up sushi with your chopsticks and squeeze too hard. However, this leaves you with sticky and fishy fingers (when you use your oshibori to wipe off).
So, the verdict? It’s a preference thing, so use whichever you’re comfortable with!
Are you supposed to dip the fish in soy sauce or rice when eating sushi?
The soy sauce is for dipping the fish, not the rice. The rice has already been seasoned with sweetened vinegar, and the soy sauce is for seasoning the fish. When picking up a piece of sushi, put it on its side and lightly dip the fish into the soy sauce (which can be tricky!). Do not dunk the entire fish into the soy sauce; you are not drinking soy sauce. If you’re worried about the sushi falling apart, you can always use your fingers (see above).
Listen to the sushi master or the server, as some sushi pieces may not need to be dipped in soy sauce. Squid is sometimes given a sprinkle of salt, and Anago (boiled salt-water eel) is sometimes given a soy sauce glaze. Listen to their instructions, and if unsure, ask!
Lastly, only pour a small amount of soy sauce on the plate, and don’t dunk the entire sushi piece into it! Otherwise, the rice will become soggy, and the sushi will fall apart before you put it into your mouth.
What’s the correct way of putting Wasabi on your sushi?
Wasabi, the fiery lime green spicy condiment, is grated Wasabi (わさび) root, a Japanese horseradish. It can only grow in clean water, so it is an expensive crop. The cheap stuff you find in tubes or tubs is made with horseradish with food coloring and has a burning and strong aftertaste.
Never ask for more wasabi if you’re at a high-end sushi restaurant. This is a slap in the face for the sushi master, who has carefully grated the expensive produce by hand and has adjusted the right amount for each fish. Piling on the wasabi will break the balance between the fish and the wasabi and the sushi flavor. Real wasabi is fragrant and delicate, and it’s not supposed to give you a fiery kick like chili peppers. (If you’re seeking burning intense flavors, wasabi is not your answer).
If you’re at a casual place or home with supermarket sushi, do not mix the wasabi into the soy sauce to make a slurry. It looks messy. Although tedious, dab each piece with wasabi and dip it into soy sauce.
When drinking alcohol, are you supposed to fill each other’s glasses but never your own?
This is more of a business rule than when with friends and family. You should look out for each other’s glasses and fill them out if needed. However, don’t lunge for the bottle whenever your dining colleagues are about to finish, ask first! She/he may not want another drink, so don’t pressure the person into another glass. It’s okay to refuse someone from pouring you a drink after a few rounds and instead opt to fill your own drink. That way, you break down the formalities and give your colleagues a break from watching over each other.
Also, holding the drink vessel with one hand is deemed bad manners. To show respect, hold the can, sake bottle, or decanter with both hands to pour.
When you’re with friends and family, you may fill the glasses of the elders, but with friends, you may pour your own to forgo the formalities. While you may jokingly pour and receive, keep it casual!
“Kampai” or “cheers,” is said during the first round of drinks. Afterward, you can refrain from saying it and drink at your own pace.
Confident to dine with Japanese friends or colleagues?
Japanese table manners can be pretty overwhelming and, frankly, sometimes pretentious! While you don’t need to bend over backward to avoid all potentially embarrassing situations, remember that you’re just trying to follow the social protocol of your fellow (Japanese) diners. If anything, share the stories along with a laugh with friends and family 🙂
If you haven’t done so already, check out Part 1 of Japanese Dining Etiquette 101 and 20 Things You Should Know Before Visiting Japan for etiquette and guidelines!
Kayoko, thank you for your article! I enjoyed not only getting the etiquette, but the rules and history behind them makes it easier to remember!
I also had a question. 🙂 When you enter a Japanese restaurant and they greet you (irasshaimase) – how can I or do I even respectfully respond?
Also, is the thank you (gochisosama deshita…) is that directed just at your waiter after you’ve eaten or is to “the room” as we leave?
Again, thank you!
The etiquette rules are very helpful and at all difficult because I Japan you feel different so you are always aware that everything is done differently. These are small changes for a western person but how very civilised! Thankyou got this very well explained post!
Hello Diane, thank you for your kind words, glad to hear that this post was helpful!
I enjoy learning about Japanese cooking and culture from your posts. I am a third generation Japanese-American and knowledge about my Japanese culture has been lost or Americanized. I remember a few things that came down from my Japanese elders that I never understood like the phrase itadakimasu before a meal. Now I know.
I plan to visit Japan for the first time, and learning about Japanese dining etiquette is empowering in many ways. Growing up, I was told by my father that his parents forbade him from putting anything on his rice because the rice was pure and could not be sullied. Can you please share your knowledge about this?
Thank you very much.
Hello Christina! Thanks for your comment and sharing your story. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve been able to get in touch with your heritage thanks to JOC!
Good question on the rice. As you know, rice is staple to the Japanese diet and is also sacred according to Shinto tradition. Therefore, adding stuff to white rice (like soy sauce) is considered taboo. HOWEVER, somehow takikomi gohan gets a pass….
Another possibility is that during and post WWII, white rice was scarce and most of the population survived on brown rice (unhulled) and so the status of white rice is considered a luxury especially for the older generation who grew up during that era. But perhaps I could expand on this on a new post?!
It’s been a few years but for the ladies, I learned it’s very rude to apply lipstick after the meal at the table. It was the looks from nearby women that brought that to my attention. Also, do not use tissue/ handkerchief in public. Both actions to be done privately in the ladies room.
Hi Lynn! Yes, applying lipstick or touching up one’s makeup at the dining table or in public is generally frowned upon, and should be done in the privacy of the ladies room. Using tissues or handkerchief in public has slowly become acceptable, especially with covid and people covering up one’s sneezes or coughs.
Interesting and very useful. I see I see my manners are awful!!!.
Hope to receive more articles of this kind. Enjoy them a lot.
I am a nissei (or nikkei) that was born in Chile (South America) and have only visited
Japan a couple of times.
Love your articles and receipes.
Odaiji ni,
Yuhei
Hi Yuhei, thank you for your comment and glad to hear that this article was instructional. I hope to share more dining etiquette in the future!
I was wondering about other Japanese and Chinese chopstic related protocol than discussed in this site. Let’s say – are there any superstitions about loosing chopstics , both or one and using chopstics from diferent sets. Also, in Korean kitchen you find metal chopstics. Another thought came about Jizo atributes – a bowl and a ratling stick. Anything about Jizo and chopstics? Hope anybody has crossed that thought.
Hi Uga! I am not personally familiar with chopstick protocol in China and Korea, although the the topic of chopstick culture across east Asia would make a great thesis paper. I’m not aware of superstitions but the no-nos tend to be due to funeral rites or other practices. E.g. using different chopsticks together (more specifically, using chopsticks made of different material) is a no-no and called 違い箸 (Chigai hashi). This is because at a Japanese Buddhist funeral, when picking up the bones of the deceased, chopsticks made of different materials are used. Maybe I should write a followup article on chopstick etiquette and culture? Thank you for the feedback!
As a gaigene having lived in Japan in the ’70’s, I was always told that it was a no-no to salt your food (which most gaigenes are guilty of) because it was an insult to the chef & I learned not to automatically salt food as before I came to Japan, & I learned to enjoy the food much, much more.
Hi Robert! Thank you for sharing your episode on salting your food. Japanese food tend to be light on the salt compared to western cuisine, so I can see why you wanted to reach over for the salt shaker! Glad to hear that you’re able to enjoy the food.
Hi, I have a question after reading this, and visiting a new sushi restaurant in my town near Atlanta.
The chopsticks were already on the table, wrapped in a napkin. (they were the wooden type in a paper wrapper).
Once seated, we were all brought out a small plate. Some people at the table were not getting sushi, and we ordered Tempura for the kids.
Was the dish they brought out for us intended for our chopsticks, or was that for soy sauce? I didn’t use it for Soy sauce this time after reading this article. I know were in America, but I still want to “try ” to get most of the customs correct!
Hi Ed!
Thanks for explaining your dining experience. Hmmm…. if the plate was super small, like small enough to dip sushi into soy sauce, perhaps it was for sushi eaters. Or perhaps it was a plate assuming that your family will be sharing the dishes? Regardless of the situation, the plate wouldn’t be just for resting chopsticks, it should be for some purpose. Sorry I can’t be of much help, but hope that may have answered your question? – Kayoko
[…] If you unintentionally commit a faux pas when eating in Japan or with Japanese friends, don’t panic! But knowing these table manners will go a long way and your friends will respect you for taking the time to understand their culture. And of course, for being a good guest! Some of you had great questions for this post and I answered them in Japanese Dining Etiquette Part 2, enjoy. […]
These are great! Thank you for sharing! Is there a polite way to ask the chef how you should eat a certain dish? I recognize that “How do I eat this?” could potentially come off as rude.
Hi M S! I think it’s perfectly fine asking “how do I eat this?” to the chef if you’re unsure! If intimidated, you could try whispering to the waitresses. I think asking shows that you respect the chef’s crafts and want to properly consume it. In Japanese, this would be どう食べればよろしいですか? Dou tabereba yoroshii desuka? (How should I eat this? (in polite form)) Good luck! -Kayoko
Thanks for educating me and many others ナミさん. I value your postings because you show not the recepies but cultures, travel, shopping (Japanese goods/ kitchen etc…)and other topics. Keep up with good works.
Hello Hideko! This is Kayoko writing, one of the contributing writers for JOC! Thank you for reading up on the culture topics featured on this blog and please stay tuned for more! -Kayoko
While I’m on a role, I have a couple more Japanese etiquette questions for you.
Onigiri: Are these finger food? The little rice balls that you would find in a lunch box are one thing. I am thinking more of the big seaweed wrapped pyramids that you can buy at a convenience store counter, for instance.
Eating while walking: So, if you can eat onigiri by hand, what are the rules for casual snacking on the sidewalk while walking, the way we would eat a bag of chips while walking here? Allowed, or rude? My Chinese friends say that eating while walking is impossibly rude. Eating should be done sitting down and talking with people in their opinion. But . . . If onigiri are sold wrapped at a convenience store counter it’s almost inviting you to walk while eating with your hands. Your thoughts?
Covering your mouth while chewing; I have noticed that my Japanese friend covers her mouth while she chews her food. Is that just her, or is that considered polite?
Are there different etiquette rules for women than men in a business meal context?
Thanks for any insight you might have to share with us! I love your blog.
Thanks for these Japanese etiquette tips! I have just shared them on my Facebook page. I just went back and read part 1 of your etiquette tips, and have a question that you have not answered in either post. How are you supposed to futomaki rolls, or other roll pieces that are too big to comfortably fit into your mouth in one piece? If I try to shovel it all in, my cheeks bulge out and I obviously struggle to chew. If I bit off half the futomaki piece, the seaweed wrapper is broken and the filling falls out of my chopsticks all over the plate. At business lunches, these things matter. My only solution so far is to stop ordering futomaki rolls or any other roll that looks like it’s going to have big pieces. What do you recommend?
Hi Ellen! Thanks for all the good questions! I’m going to do my best to answer them…
Futomaki and big sushi pieces: Avoiding them altogether at business meetings is definitely one option. It’s ok to bite into it to break into two. You can do your best to keep the rest intact by holding it firm with your chopsticks and returning it back on your plate.
Onigiri: I would say they’re more like portable food than finger food. Finger foods (in the Western dining context) refers to appetizers served at a party, whereas Onigiri started as portable foods for traveling. Whether they are the small balls packed in a bento or the pyramids sold at convenience stores, they do not require utensils.
Eating while walking: Eating while walking is not looked well upon, although you do see the occasional onigiri or bread being munched on. Crisps would be a big no no. It’s more like a social protocol than a rule, so it’s hard to explain why but one reason I often hear is that when you are in the act of eating, you should be focusing on the food and not be preoccupied by something else (like walking) while eating. You don’t see people eating onigiri on the street much as they are consumed elsewhere, such as in a classroom, at the office, park, etc.
Covering your mouth while chewing: You’ll see many women doing this, but not men. Your friend probably took a big bite of something and was covering her bulging mouth!
Different etiquette rules for women than men: Sitting cross-legged is a no no for women. If you must, you should cover your legs with a cardigan or scarf. This is because during the olden days, as women wore kimono their legs were restricted and sitting cross legged would entail them to open up the flaps of the kimono (oh no! how unlady-like!) whereas this was ok for men. Another one is to use both hands when raising a glass to say cheers. One hand at the bottom of the glass, another holding the side/handle.
Hope this was helpful! -Kayoko
It’s been a few years but for the ladies, I learned it’s very rude to apply lipstick after the meal at the table. It was the looks from nearby women that brought that to my attention. Also, do not use tissue/ handkerchief in public. Both actions to be done privately in the ladies room.
Thank you so much for this wonderful article! I’m so excited to share this with my culinary students before we take our trip to Japan!
Hi Gemma!
Hope the article was informative for you and your students! Please let me know if you have any additional questions or inquiries after your trip.
– Kayoko
Wow!! I didn’t know almost any of this before! Definitely guilty of using the oshibori dirty as napkins in this country are not as absorbent or large as I’m used to. Very interesting and informative!
Hi Janelle! Glad to hear the post was informative! Yes, I am also guilty of occasionally using the oshibori to wipe down a table or dirtied fingers. The paper napkins are just too flimsy! -Kayoko