Are you planning to visit Japan or dine with Japanese friends? Avoid an awkward experience and enjoy your meal by reviewing this essential Japanese table manners guide.
Imagine walking into a Japanese restaurant, perhaps with a few Japanese friends or colleagues. The menu is handed to you, all in Japanese. Your friends hungrily ordered dishes to share, quickly served on steaming hot plates covering the table. You pick up your chopsticks to dig in, and then…?
In mid-action, you notice from the corner of your eye that your new Japanese friends put their hands together, murmur a phrase with a slight bow, and then, with a smile, split their chopsticks apart to partake in the meal.
Oops!???? Have you offended your Japanese friends?!
Etiquette rules, especially when dining, are tricky. Eating with others in Japan can be an awkward experience if you’re unaware of the many cultural differences. While you can always play the “I am an outsider to your culture, so please excuse me” card (AKA, the gaijin foreigner card), who doesn’t want to navigate Japanese social norms smoothly without raising eyebrows? After all, who wants to show bad manners to their host or fellow diners?
Let’s get started with an essential guide to Japanese dining etiquette.
Table of contents
Japanese Dining Etiquette Guide
Saying Thanks Before and After Your Meal
So what was that quick but ceremonious greeting before the meal?
You may have noticed the JOC kids saying Itadakimasu いただきます at the end of each JOC video when the meal is ready to eat. Roughly translating to “I humbly partake/receive,” it is similar to saying grace at the beginning of the meal.
When you finish your meal, gently place your chopsticks on the rice bowl or chopsticks rest, and conclude with Gochisou samadeshita ごちそうさまでした, which means ‘thank you for the delicious meal’ or ‘it was quite a meal.’
Let’s practice again: Before you eat, say ‘ Itadakimasu’; at the end of the meal, say ‘Gochisou samadeshita’. Well done!
These greetings during mealtime are deeply rooted in Buddhism and Shintoism, the two main religions of Japan. Saying Itadakimasu and Gochisou samadeshita is the Japanese way of expressing gratitude for nature’s bounty and to the many people who have participated in providing the meal, including the cook, fishermen, farmers, butchers, supermarket employees, truck drivers, and so on.
This ritual in Japan acknowledges the beings (animals and plants) sacrificed and the people who helped create the delicious food before you. Therefore, completing the meal without leftovers or grains of rice in your bowl is even more important than the open and concluding sayings at mealtimes. Finishing the meal shows the utmost respect to the cook and others who have contributed to the meal. If it’s impossible to finish, it is best to shift all the leftover food to the side of your plate or bowl with your chopsticks.
Chopsticks: Do’s/Don’ts
The main utensils in Japan are chopsticks (お箸). While spoons have snuck into modern-day Japanese cuisine, the tradition calls for just chopsticks, which have been used since the 8th century.
There are endless sources that explain how to hold chopsticks properly, so I’ll skip that for this post, but check out this image if you need some brushing up.
Five Don’ts
It’s easier to explain chopstick etiquette with the “don’ts” than the “do’s.” Many don’ts are due to Buddhist funeral rituals or are said to bring bad luck, and thus do not belong at the dining table.
1. Do not stick your chopsticks into food, especially into your bowl of rice (立て箸)
When not using your chopsticks, lay them on the chopsticks rest, or if you’re done with your meal, horizontally on a bowl or plate (never vertically).
2. Do not pass food to another person’s chopsticks with your own (拾い箸)
If you must transfer food to another person, put it directly on his/her plate or bowl.
3. Do not spear your food (指し箸)
Chopsticks are meant to be used together like tongs, so pick up the food even if it’s tricky. If you’re concerned that you may drop it, lift the plate or bowl close to your face instead.
4. Do not use your chopsticks to pick up food from a communal plate
If communal chopsticks are provided, use that instead or flip your chopsticks to use the opposite ends.
However, if you are in a relaxed setting with family or close friends, it may be acceptable to use your chopsticks. When in doubt, watch to see what others do.
5. Do not lick or chew on your chopsticks (ねぶり箸)
Chopsticks are a tool to transfer food from your plate to your mouth. It may be tempting if bits of food are stuck on your chopsticks, but if you must insist, wipe with a tissue/napkin instead.
Lifting Plates and Bowls
Your parents or teachers may have taught you not to lift bowls or plates close to your face when eating, but this is acceptable in Japanese culture.
Western table settings utilize tables and chairs, where the chair’s height situates the eater not too far from the plate in front. In contrast, a traditional Japanese meal is eaten on a low table, and seating is close to the ground, hence a farther distance from the table to the face.
Even when Japanese restaurants have adapted to the Western table setting, lifting plates and bowls close to you is still acceptable. This will especially be needed when you’re about to eat something soupy or drippy, which may splatter on your shirt or table (or your neighbor’s!)
Okay to Lift:
- Rice bowls
- Soup bowls, small deep bowls with liquids
- Small plate of soy sauce for sashimi or sushi
- Donburi bowls (with rice or noodles such as ramen or udon) or lacquer rice box (ojyubako))
Do Not Lift:
- Sashimi plates
- Tempura plates
- Communal plates/bowls
- Plates/bowls bigger than the palm of your hand (excluding bowls/plates that have rice, like donburi bowls and lacquer rice box (ojyubako)).
Slurping
Your parents may have taught you not to slurp your noodles. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to slurp away your udon, soba, and ramen when you’re in Japan!
Japanese noodle aficionados will insist that slurping improves the flavor of the noodles, that it helps cool the noodles, or that your nasal passages take in the delicious aromas of the broth. While it’s not mandatory, you may get a nod of appreciation from your Japanese neighbor as you slurp your meal.
Note: the term Nu-hara ヌルハラ (noodle harassment) has been circulating by the Japanese media for a few years due to some Japanese diners irked by the slurping noises. Personally, my advice is: don’t worry about it. Indulge in your meal with noise and gusto!!
Your Experience with Japanese Dining Etiquette
If you unintentionally commit a faux pas when eating in Japan or with Japanese friends, don’t panic! But knowing these Japanese etiquette rules will go a long way, and your friends will respect you for taking the time to understand their culture. And, of course, for being a good guest! Some of you had great questions for this post, and I answered them in Japanese Dining Etiquette Part 2.
Lastly, what Japanese dining etiquette tips have you learned that weren’t mentioned in this post? Or do you have any horrifying stories when dining in Japan? Please share in the comment box below!
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Something you did not mention is that …one should not look surprised to hear big slurping noises when they eat their ramen noodles… witnessed that on more than occasion in Tokyo
Hi Laura,
Yes, the slurping noises (nicknamed ヌルハラ – “noodle harassment”) can be surprising and unpleasant for some diners. It’s common to slurp your noodles, but not mandatory. Please see 4. Slurping on the topic.
I also learned that you should not serve/pore drinks for your own glass
Hi Birgitta!
It depends on the setting. if in the company of business colleagues, you should be aware of each other’s glasses and refill (it’s polite to ask before pouring just in case the person is ready to call it a night). But oftentimes with close friends or family, you may skip that formality and pour yourself.
What do Japanese waiters call out every time you enter a restaurant…and what is the reply please
Hi Anne!
You are probably greeted at the entrance of the restaurant with “Irasshaimase,” which means welcome (but you wouldn’t say that to friends or family entering your house). There is no response to that, you can smile and nod in acknowledgement. But “arigato” would be an incorrect response, they are serving you, and thanking them would be strange.
I think it’s worth mentioning again the usual American sushi mistakes. Eating sushi with your fingers is often actually better than using chopsticks. Rolls/maki and nigiri bites are just that, meant to be placed in your mouth whole. Dip maki in soy if you want, but good sushi chefs have seasoned nigiri so no dipping is necessary (and may offend the chef). Please don’t make a slurry of your wasabi and soy to dip every piece in–you will lose the subtle flavor combinations.
Hi Ian!
Yes, the proper way of eating sushi deserves its own post! It’s a little difficult to provide a comprehensive guide as there’s also different grades of sushi quality readers may be consuming (supermarket, conveyer belt sushi, upscale $$$…). While the sushi masters may wince at customers’ faux pas, they could also gently teach them how to properly eat so the manners shouldn’t just fall upon the customers!
Nami-o-sama,
This was a very useful post. It tells us what do to as a guest being offered Japanese food.
Could you please inform us about etiquette for hosts? What should I do (or not) when I am the host and am receiving Japanese guests?
And are there etiquette rules connected to certain specific dishes, e.g. if I were serving yose-nabe, or tai-meshi.
And what shall I definitely try to avoid when inviting Japanese guests to a European style dinner, e.g. serving sparkling water only, or serving women before men, or seating arrangements.
Thank you
Hi Ratomir!
Hope you don’t mind this isn’t Nami who’s responding, it’s Kayoko (one of the contributing editors of JOC and author of this post).
I think your specific questions regarding hosting deserves a post of its own! But also would like to point out that hosting guests is already a kind gesture in itself, and perhaps the host has an advantage in going with his/her rules. Your guests no doubt will understand that you (sorry to assume, but as a non-Japanese person) may not be aware of all Japanese dining etiquette, but that is okay because you’re already going out of your way to host. I wouldn’t worry too much of the rules pertaining to certain specific dishes, and if you do make a mistake, I’m sure your hosts won’t mind or may kindly point it out without causing embarrassment.
As for serving a European style dinner to Japanese guests, most Japanese people are familiar with the etiquette already, so there’s no need to go out of your way to Japanify the non-Japanese meal.
Hope this is helpful!
3 additional tips I learned from living in Japan
1). Do not ‘scrub’ your waribashi (disposable wooden chopsticks) after breaking them apart. Even here in the US I see so many people do that which is terrible and really poor manners. It shows that you are used to using poor quality chopsticks.
2) When being poured a drink (beer or sake) for the first round, wait until everyone is served before drinking. You’ll know when you can start when someone says “Kampai!”. Then after that, take a drink as you please.
3) Do not pour your own alcohol. Most of your dining companions will be aware that your glass is running low and will fill it up for you with your permission. If they have not, offer a hint by suggesting to top off their drink and even if they say no, they will reciprocate and offer to fill up your glass.
Hi Anita!
Thanks for sharing! This may deserve another post, “Etiquette Part 2: readers’ tips”!!
I’m curious what you should do then if your chopsticks, after breaking them apart, have a splinter or two sticking out where they were connected. This is probably why people “scrub” them, to release these, right (I’ve never seen it happen so I’m not sure what it refers to)? It happens often to me that there are splinters and it is very uncomfortable as it will poke your hands if you’re not careful. Sometimes the chopsticks *are* indeed cheap and have splinters along the sides, even on the parts where you hold them. What should we do if that happens? Is it okay to peel the splinters off (rather than rub them together)?
On a side note, is it rude to bring your own reusable chopsticks into a casual restaurant? I can see how some owners might think it’s you snubbing their “poor” chopsticks, and I can see how this might seem offputting in a more formal restaurant, but I carry a pair with me in my bag because I am trying to prevent waste and use reusable items whenever possible. I live in the US, and whenever I use them (which I really only do at casual/cheaper places), it almost always draws attention from one of the servers or workers, who will often make a comment like “oh you have your own special pair of chopsticks”, or some have even complimented the chopsticks themselves if they are a pretty pair. Needless to say, even in these scenarios I wonder if they are being genuine or think it’s weird and are being passive-aggressive about it, so now I rarely ever do it, because I generally dislike attracting attention. I wish that the use of reusable personal utensils would become more commonplace and more accepted -OR- that businesses would stop using disposable ones. I shouldn’t have to choose whether or not I care more about the planet or my table manners… ????
Hi Lion! First of all, the quality of Japanese chopsticks (we call Waribashi) is pretty good (in general). Every time I go back to Japan, I am amazed because I’m used to not so good quality wooden chopsticks outside Japan. So you may rarely have the splinter incident. But if you do find, it’s okay to scrape off with your hand or chopsticks to remove that spot. Back then when the quality was bad, people rub the chopsticks each other vigorously, and that’s not a good manner these days.
About re-useable chopsticks. I think it’s proper to bring your own when you bring your own lunch, but it may be a bit strange to bring your own to a restaurant. Partially because we don’t see any reasons you need to bring chopsticks. 1) quality is good 2) environmental movement for not using chopsticks is not quite there in my opinion 3) I don’t see Japanese worry about chemicals on chopsticks (my MIL in Taiwan worry about bleached chopsticks so she does carry her own chopsticks to restaurants in Taiwan). So… you can bring your own chopsticks, but decide to use it or not based on restaurants/situations?
Hope it helps!
Thank you for your answer, Nami. I’m glad to hear it’s okay to pull a splinter off. Sometimes this happens from the part where you break the two chopsticks apart. Sometimes I get a pokey part sticking out there if they don’t break evenly.
Thanks for the advice about reusable chopsticks. I guess I am a bit self-conscious about how others perceive my actions. I really appreciate when restaurants have reusable items (luckily a few of the Vietnamese restaurants in my neighborhood use reusable melamine or wooden chopsticks). At least disposable chopsticks are not too hazardous to the environment (since they are bamboo). The big one for me is how many places I go (in the US) and they give me plastic straws for my water and every other drink I order (disposable plastic is way worse for the environment). I feel rude to say “no straw please” and often they just set it down so fast I don’t have a chance to respond. I always leave them there still in the wrapping, hoping they will reuse it, but I don’t know if they save it once it has been on the customer’s table. 😐 I will try to be more brave and ask them not to give it to me. We always get weird looks just for asking for no ice in the water (just a personal preference me and my partner both have) in the US, and probably weirder if we ask for no straws. Haha! I must be bolder. I know it is only making a little difference for the environment, but I want to try. America is not nearly as meticulous about recycling and sorting recyclable waste as Japan is (we throw so much into landfills and it ends up in the ocean), so I try to make an impact.
Hi Lion! We need more people like you! I think straws will be banned soon here in the Bay Area. So many places now offer paper ones, and it’s common here to say no straws at restaurants too. I just wonder how people will drink Boba (the bubble tea) without that fat straw though… I digress.
I was really shocked by how many plastic bags Japan gives!!! I was going a bit worried about the amount of plastic packaging and plastic bags everywhere in Japan. That, I don’t see here in the Bay Area… We need to educate young people. I see millennials are more environmentally conscious (using reusable bags, no straw, more vegans, etc). Hope we all can make difference all around the world.
I refuse to slurp. Then again, It might not be wise for me to eat in public in Japan. All eating sounds annoy me endlessly.
Hi Heather!
It’s not a faux pas if you don’t slurp…there are Japanese people who prefer not to. For the non-Japanese people, it must be strange to encounter other people’s eating sounds!
All good. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. ……A universal human right.
Hello Tomisan! Agreed, when in Rome… 🙂
A fellow chaperone and I ate at a ramen shop in a Department store in Osaka during a break from our chaperoning duties. We were so happy to find a place to sit and eat. Upon completing our meal we continued to sit and talk. We did not know that we were supposed to eat fast and leave. The cook even asked us if everything was okay and we replied that it was delicious; but we continued our conversation and occupying two valuable seats. We were so embarrassed about our faux pas.
Hi J Takahashi!
As you may know, the Japanese are artful when it comes to pointing things out, rather than saying directly “Hey, this is a fast food place, would you please offer your seat to the next customer after your meal?” it’s more “could you please read between the lines?” It’s okay to play the gaijin (foreigner) card, especially when you simply didn’t know!
I have been told that when eating Nigiri Sushi it is a good idea to pick up the sushi with your hands and dip the fish (not the rice) in soy sauce. Is this proper Japanese dining etiquette/
I would like to know this too, as I saw a video where a Japanese sushi chef said this is the proper way to eat nigiri, so I always eat nigiri this way. Of course, this leaves your hands a bit sticky and needing a wash up afterwards. I’ve never seen a knowing sushi chef look over in appreciation at eating it this way though, despite it is an uncommon practice in America to eat it this way. Though it would seem in my region most sushi chefs are Chinese, Vietnamese, or Korean, so they probably don’t know all the Japanese customs of eating sushi either.
Hi Susan and Lion!
Yes, the soy sauce is for dipping the fish, not the rice. The rice has already been seasoned with sweetened vinegar, and the soy sauce is for seasoning the fish, so when picking up a piece of sushi you should flip it to dip into the soy sauce (which can be tricky!)
It’s fine to eat sushi with your hands or with your chopsticks, there’s no right or wrong way in this. Some sushi masters prefer for their diners to eat using their hands, believing that “it tastes better,” and you may get a nod of appreciation if you do. It also prevents from the shari (the rice underneath) from crumbling, which happens sometimes when you pick up sushi with your chopsticks and squeeze too hard. However as Lion pointed out, this leaves you with sticky and fishy fingers. Ultimately, it’s a preference thing, so don’t worry!
Gently pat your hands clean with the Oshibori (a warm, moist towel). Don’t wipe your hands and face like you were coming out of the pool.
Hi Rob!
Good tip! Especially with this hot weather, the cold oshibori seems inviting for a wipe around your face…
Thank u for this! I always forget which direction to lay my chopsticks!
Hi Melissa!
Glad you found this post helpful 😀
Is there a way to break down the two phrases, ‘Itadakimasu’ and ‘Gochisou samadeshita’ that might make it easier to learn to say/pronounce and remember? I have a pretty good memory but unless I had a cheat sheet with me that I could pull out to refer to, there’s no way I could do so.
Why is laying the chopsticks horizontally at the end of a meal preferred to the vertical placement? I know about it being a no-no to stick them into the rice bowl and the funeral practice with incense sticks. 🙂
Hi A_Boleyn!
It’s hard to break down the two words into smaller pieces, but perhaps you could try remembering as ‘Ita-daki-masu’ and ‘Gochisou- sama-deshita.’ Don’t worry if you can’t prononce the phrase correctly, what’s more important is your thankfulness and gratefulness!
As for the reason why chopsticks are always placed horizontally and not vertically, there are two reasons. 1) it’s considered rude to have the chopsticks point at the person sitting across from you. 2) Chopsticks serve as a boundary between the eater and the food in front of you. Ancient Japanese beliefs say that all foods are provided by gods, and so by using chopsticks, you separate the food (pure) and the humans (impure).
My horrifying story was when my husband and I had been living in Tokyo for several months and some Japanese colleagues from his office had heard I loved sushi and sashimi and so took us for dinner to a well-known restaurant for sashimi. I ordered sashimi of a particular kind of fish. Others ordered their preferences. When my fish arrived I was horrified to notice that it was not only whole (though there were helpful slices in it) – it was still moving! Eek! It was still alive! A glance around the table showed all the Japanese were watching to see what the gaijin would do. I swallowed nervously and, to uphold the national reputation (my husband represented the Italian government) I gritted my teeth and dug in. Ate the whole da*m fish as the others looked on approvingly. Seems the restaurant’s reputation was for seriously fresh fish…so fresh that they were served still moving. Thank goodness that never happened to me again and I retained my love of sashimi, but prefer it in slices and not looking up at me.
If you ever travel to South Korea and find yourself in a seafood restaurant, especially by the coast, you may find yourself confronted with something similar! My parents are from a town not too far from the coast in S. Korea, and the few times I’ve visited family there, we’ve eaten very fresh fish (still moving!) on several occasions.
Hi Esther!
The seafood must be super super fresh! Would love to try when I visit South Korea next time!
Hi Nina!
That experience must have been harrowing… But good to know the fish was super fresh? 😀
Don’t worry, majority of sushi/sashimi is served *not* moving, so hope you’ve tried it in other restaurants! Thank you for sharing your story!
I have simply learned how to just watch. I am used to eating with others and just going for it of course we pray before we eat which it was easier to learn what to say before and after eating in Japan. I always am mindful of the chopstick thing in all cultures that uses chopsticks. Once again I just watch and ask questions, I do not expect people who are not from New York City or my race to know our eating habits, so I do know others are happy to show you theirs.
Hi Jen!
Thank you for your comment! Watch and learn is definitely a great tip…Always good to play it safe!
That table arrangement is so pleasing to look at, and those flower bowls are beautiful! Is that your own set? If so, did you buy them anywhere that others like me may be able to also buy them? 🙂
Hi Emy! No, we were traveling in Nikko, Japan 2 weeks ago and that’s where I took this photo in one of Ryokan (Japanese styled inn). Japanese like to serve food in different dishes with seasonality, color, etc in mind. There are so many ceramic shops in Japan, but they are hard to find outside of Japan. 🙁