Are you planning to visit Japan or dine with Japanese friends? Avoid an awkward experience and enjoy your meal by reviewing this essential Japanese table manners guide.
Imagine walking into a Japanese restaurant, perhaps with a few Japanese friends or colleagues. The menu is handed to you, all in Japanese. Your friends hungrily ordered dishes to share, quickly served on steaming hot plates covering the table. You pick up your chopsticks to dig in, and then…?
In mid-action, you notice from the corner of your eye that your new Japanese friends put their hands together, murmur a phrase with a slight bow, and then, with a smile, split their chopsticks apart to partake in the meal.
Oops!???? Have you offended your Japanese friends?!
Etiquette rules, especially when dining, are tricky. Eating with others in Japan can be an awkward experience if you’re unaware of the many cultural differences. While you can always play the “I am an outsider to your culture, so please excuse me” card (AKA, the gaijin foreigner card), who doesn’t want to navigate Japanese social norms smoothly without raising eyebrows? After all, who wants to show bad manners to their host or fellow diners?
Let’s get started with an essential guide to Japanese dining etiquette.
Table of contents
Japanese Dining Etiquette Guide
Saying Thanks Before and After Your Meal
So what was that quick but ceremonious greeting before the meal?
You may have noticed the JOC kids saying Itadakimasu いただきます at the end of each JOC video when the meal is ready to eat. Roughly translating to “I humbly partake/receive,” it is similar to saying grace at the beginning of the meal.
When you finish your meal, gently place your chopsticks on the rice bowl or chopsticks rest, and conclude with Gochisou samadeshita ごちそうさまでした, which means ‘thank you for the delicious meal’ or ‘it was quite a meal.’
Let’s practice again: Before you eat, say ‘ Itadakimasu’; at the end of the meal, say ‘Gochisou samadeshita’. Well done!
These greetings during mealtime are deeply rooted in Buddhism and Shintoism, the two main religions of Japan. Saying Itadakimasu and Gochisou samadeshita is the Japanese way of expressing gratitude for nature’s bounty and to the many people who have participated in providing the meal, including the cook, fishermen, farmers, butchers, supermarket employees, truck drivers, and so on.
This ritual in Japan acknowledges the beings (animals and plants) sacrificed and the people who helped create the delicious food before you. Therefore, completing the meal without leftovers or grains of rice in your bowl is even more important than the open and concluding sayings at mealtimes. Finishing the meal shows the utmost respect to the cook and others who have contributed to the meal. If it’s impossible to finish, it is best to shift all the leftover food to the side of your plate or bowl with your chopsticks.
Chopsticks: Do’s/Don’ts
The main utensils in Japan are chopsticks (お箸). While spoons have snuck into modern-day Japanese cuisine, the tradition calls for just chopsticks, which have been used since the 8th century.
There are endless sources that explain how to hold chopsticks properly, so I’ll skip that for this post, but check out this image if you need some brushing up.
Five Don’ts
It’s easier to explain chopstick etiquette with the “don’ts” than the “do’s.” Many don’ts are due to Buddhist funeral rituals or are said to bring bad luck, and thus do not belong at the dining table.
1. Do not stick your chopsticks into food, especially into your bowl of rice (立て箸)
When not using your chopsticks, lay them on the chopsticks rest, or if you’re done with your meal, horizontally on a bowl or plate (never vertically).
2. Do not pass food to another person’s chopsticks with your own (拾い箸)
If you must transfer food to another person, put it directly on his/her plate or bowl.
3. Do not spear your food (指し箸)
Chopsticks are meant to be used together like tongs, so pick up the food even if it’s tricky. If you’re concerned that you may drop it, lift the plate or bowl close to your face instead.
4. Do not use your chopsticks to pick up food from a communal plate
If communal chopsticks are provided, use that instead or flip your chopsticks to use the opposite ends.
However, if you are in a relaxed setting with family or close friends, it may be acceptable to use your chopsticks. When in doubt, watch to see what others do.
5. Do not lick or chew on your chopsticks (ねぶり箸)
Chopsticks are a tool to transfer food from your plate to your mouth. It may be tempting if bits of food are stuck on your chopsticks, but if you must insist, wipe with a tissue/napkin instead.
Lifting Plates and Bowls
Your parents or teachers may have taught you not to lift bowls or plates close to your face when eating, but this is acceptable in Japanese culture.
Western table settings utilize tables and chairs, where the chair’s height situates the eater not too far from the plate in front. In contrast, a traditional Japanese meal is eaten on a low table, and seating is close to the ground, hence a farther distance from the table to the face.
Even when Japanese restaurants have adapted to the Western table setting, lifting plates and bowls close to you is still acceptable. This will especially be needed when you’re about to eat something soupy or drippy, which may splatter on your shirt or table (or your neighbor’s!)
Okay to Lift:
- Rice bowls
- Soup bowls, small deep bowls with liquids
- Small plate of soy sauce for sashimi or sushi
- Donburi bowls (with rice or noodles such as ramen or udon) or lacquer rice box (ojyubako))
Do Not Lift:
- Sashimi plates
- Tempura plates
- Communal plates/bowls
- Plates/bowls bigger than the palm of your hand (excluding bowls/plates that have rice, like donburi bowls and lacquer rice box (ojyubako)).
Slurping
Your parents may have taught you not to slurp your noodles. However, it’s perfectly acceptable to slurp away your udon, soba, and ramen when you’re in Japan!
Japanese noodle aficionados will insist that slurping improves the flavor of the noodles, that it helps cool the noodles, or that your nasal passages take in the delicious aromas of the broth. While it’s not mandatory, you may get a nod of appreciation from your Japanese neighbor as you slurp your meal.
Note: the term Nu-hara ヌルハラ (noodle harassment) has been circulating by the Japanese media for a few years due to some Japanese diners irked by the slurping noises. Personally, my advice is: don’t worry about it. Indulge in your meal with noise and gusto!!
Your Experience with Japanese Dining Etiquette
If you unintentionally commit a faux pas when eating in Japan or with Japanese friends, don’t panic! But knowing these Japanese etiquette rules will go a long way, and your friends will respect you for taking the time to understand their culture. And, of course, for being a good guest! Some of you had great questions for this post, and I answered them in Japanese Dining Etiquette Part 2.
Lastly, what Japanese dining etiquette tips have you learned that weren’t mentioned in this post? Or do you have any horrifying stories when dining in Japan? Please share in the comment box below!
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very interesting and useful tips……can’t wait to “show off” what I learn at my favourite Japanese restaurant when it’s reopened for dining in 🙂
My embarrassing moment was not experienced in Japan but rather when I returned from Japan to attend college in the States. It was near the beginning of the school year and I was sitting at a round lunch table of approximately 8 – 12 individuals. We were all talking and enjoying each others company until the conversation abruptly stopped. I looked up and realized that all eye at the table were fixed on me with complete disbelief showing in their eyes. Realizing what I had done, I slowly lowered my soup bowl from my mouth and apologetically placed it back on the table. Oops … this hasn’t happened since but I must say, I enjoy slurping up my noodles in Japanese restaurant every chance I get! : )
I absolutely love you recipes and this article is great.
Is it ever ok to pick up/eat nigiri sushi with your fingers? I was told it was ok, if you eat the whole thing without setting it down, not sure if that is correct.
Thank you so much for this post. We are going to Osaka in August and so excited and very much looking forward to seeing my son and daughter and want to do the real Japanese things and not the typical tourist things. thanks again for your post I am really enjoying the hits and tricks as well as your recipes.
Tresna
Thank you, Namiko-san,
Your food videos are excellent, easy to follow, and taste great…authentic…your tips are very valuable and helpful to those who eat at Japanese Restaurants but do not want to offend anyone or make mistakes at friend’s homes.
Thanks, again.
Greg
One thing that a lot of westerners do that irks me to no end (mama always said it was very rude) is rubbing the hashi together, saying that’s to “get rid of the splints”
Ooooo boy, don’t do that.
I was wondering if you have a YouTube video of you saying: Gochisou samadeshita. I’m not sure how to say this. Thank you for the article! My 13-year-old and I plan on visiting Japan in November of 2020 so I’m studying up as much as I can. I enjoy all your informative and Japanese history articles.
I’m surprised to find that lifting plates and bowls when eating is acceptable whilst eating Japanese cuisine. My spouse and I are having a Japanese meal with our friends in a few weeks. I’ll look into plate sets so we can have an authentic experience.
Hi Lloyd! We do not lift the big plate, but small or smaller-medium plates/bowls are okay to lift. However, we do not put your mouth into those plates/bowls and it’s considered bad manner. Because we use chopsticks, it’s more polite to bring those small plate/bowl closer to you and use chopsticks to bring to your mouth. The distance should be where you hold your rice bowl, around your chest area. Hope you two have a wonderful Japanese meal with your friends!
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Thank you so much for the article on Japanese eating etiquette .😊
Excellent read on Japanese Dining Etiquette. It’s very interesting to learn what is acceptable or not in different cultures around the world. Thank you for this well thought out yet simple post.
[…] Japanese Dining Etiquette 101 – Part 1 […]
[…] a flood of questions as well as personal horror stories. So, following up to our articles on Japanese Dining Etiquette 101 and 20 Things You Should Know Before Visiting Japan, here’s my attempt of answering all of […]
Thank you for this article. I have a few questions, Kayoko.
1) I’ve always held my chopsticks with the lower stick between my 2nd and 3rd finger (not my 3rd and 4th like in the picture).The other way is very difficult for me somehow. Is this a bad etiquette for some reason?
2) If you have something like a salad in a bowl about the same size as a rice bowl or soup bowl. Is it okay to lift this size of bowl, or is it too big? It’s maybe slightly larger than the palm of my hand, but not bigger than a rice bowl or soup bowl.
3) You said that spoons are a newer addition to Japanese cuisine. This leads me to wonder, is it acceptable to sip soup directly from a soup bowl instead of using a spoon? What about when you get to the last few drops that a spoon can’t pick up? On a related note I wonder the same thing about other small bowls that are okay to lift that have some small bits of food or rice left. Is it rude to put the bowl to your mouth and push the last few bits of food or rice from the bowl into your mouth using the chopsticks, if it is something very small?
4) If you begin to eat and forget to say itadakimasu, then realize it, should you say it now before you continue to eat? Or just forget about it this time?
5) Sometimes I cannot finish my food due to medical reasons. In fact, I used to have an eating disorder that made this very common for me, and at times would prevent me from eating more than just a few bites of my food, even if I thought when I ordered it that I would be fine and able to eat it all. I am mostly better now, but this can still happen to me on rare occasions. In the US, it can seem a bit awkward to a restaurant owner or server if you don’t finish much of your food, and they might comment on how you didn’t eat much, but since “take out” boxes are common here, ultimately it’s perfectly okay to say “Sorry I am not feeling well today.” or “I guess I was not as hungry as I thought. I will have to finish it later.” It is generally viewed here as better to take the food with you (to presumably eat it later) than just not eat it at all. But, say I’m in Japan someday, and I cannot finish the food, so I move the rest of my food to the side of the plate like you suggested (since taking food home is not an option there). Is it better to apologize to the server or cook that you can’t eat it (and explain if you are not feeling well or have a medical problem), or to simply ignore that there is food left and try not to draw any attention to this?
6) How badly will it upset people in Japan to breach these etiquette rules you wrote about? Are some absolutely essential while others are more “preferred”? Which ones are the worst offenses? Are there any of these that Japanese people commonly break?
Sorry so many questions! This things came to mind!
Hi Lion! It’s Nami. Apologize for our late response. I’m going to respond here. 🙂
1) There are many people who don’t hold chopsticks correctly, so no pressure. Knowing that you’re not Japanese, they will be honored to see you try holding chopsticks to eat Japanese food. 🙂
2) Personally, I think it is totally okay at a casual circumstance. I think bowls are totally okay. If it’s the main dish plate, it is a bit strange to lift but if it’s s a small plate (we call “Torizara”, like 5″), that’s okay to lift.
3) Unless western setting, you can bring the bowl to drink last sip of soup.
4) You can say, “Wasureta! (I forgot) Itadakimasu!” when you realize you forgot to say and started eating (but definitely for the first 2 minutes. Haha.
5) Taking out the leftover is still not a common concept in Japan. If it’s a mom and pop dining where you can see the cook, maybe you can tell the waiter “sorry I couldn’t finish” or give some gesture of feeling bad. Otherwise, it’s okay to leave the food. The portion in Japan is much smaller, so it should be okay. 🙂
6) If it doesn’t affect people directly, you won’t upset people, so don’t worry. It’s obvious that you don’t look Japanese and they will assume you don’t know the etiquette. Being able to follow is a plus. But I think, toward Japanese people (or if you look Japanese), their expectation can be higher (haha). Just have decent courtesy and you will be okay. Look around to behave similarly. Often times, foreigners tend to be loud (or talk loud) when everyone else is quiet (in restaurants and trains). That could stand out and sometimes they may be looked like they don’t have a good manner or they don’t care about other people. It’s best to know the etiquette, but don’t worry too much if you forget or didn’t follow. They will know you’re visiting. 🙂
Thank you so much for your thoughtful responses. I feel reassured. It seems that for foreigners, as long as we are trying to be polite and show respect for manners, then most Japanese will be happy that we are trying. 🙂 I’m glad to know if we make minor errors it would not be a big insult to most people.
Here is a funny story that seems related to this. Just like it is important not to stick chopsticks into rice (because this is a funeral rite), I made a mistake recently while ordering a magewappa bento (just the container) online from a store in Japan. They offered free gift wrapping and you could choose the wrapping paper and tag. I chose a beautiful paper with Japanese family emblems and a tag that said 寿 (congratulations, best wishes, long life). When the package arrived, there was some extra wrapping paper included (different design) and a note that told me that the paper i had chosen was for Buddhist memorial services. They went ahead and wrapped it in that paper I chose anyway with the 寿 tag, but included the extra ones and an explanation of the purpose in case I was giving it to someone, so I did not use this awkward combination of paper and tag! OOPS! LOL. How awkward! Luckily it was just for me, so I had just chosen the paper and tag that seemed prettiest to me, but I felt rather embarrassed! Bless them for sending the extras!
Hahahaha! That’s a funny story! But it’s very kind of the store to send you extra. I can imagine if the store is here and people working at the shop has no cultural background, he/she probably would have no idea!
I sometimes see Asian American food bloggers post pictures of the rice bowl with chopsticks sticking into rice. I think it’s hard to pass down cultural etiquette even your parents or grandparents are Asians if they don’t teach/know… I must teach my children important etiquettes! 🙂