When I talk to my mommy friends or my children’s classmates’ moms, it seems like our discussion often focuses on which activities our children should participate in to stand out. Maybe it’s because we live in the bay area and the ultra competitive environment creates this behavior.
I often worry about whether my children are falling behind because they are not going to Chinese or Japanese school, or playing club soccer or doing gymnastics. Honestly speaking, between piano lessons and swimming, and teaching them Japanese myself, they barely finish all their homework as it is. I do get concerned when I hear from other parents, “so and so’s schools are already teaching their 2nd grade students 3rd grade math,” etc. All that changed a few weeks ago, when something happened that made me take a step back and realize what’s truly important in life.
Our family went to Target to shop for birthday gifts and home items. My husband took the two children to the toy section to buy birthday gifts while I explored the kitchen section. After 15 minutes or so, I went to meet them in the toy section. As predicted, they were busy looking at what they want for Christmas, instead of selecting something for their friend’s birthday. I then split from them in the toy section so we could finish shopping quickly.
I don’t remember exactly how much time passed (perhaps just 3 or 4 minutes). I found what I wanted to buy, and my husband and my daughter found me at the same time. My husband then asked me about our son, “Where is he?” I looked around and said “I don’t know, I thought he was with you!” My husband then calmly said, “Okay, he was just looking at Legos a minute ago and is probably in another aisle. Let’s go look for him.”
Standing on the opposite ends of the aisles, we walked down the entire toys and outdoor sections and our son was nowhere to be found. I started panicking a bit and made eye contact with my husband from across the aisles. We didn’t speak a word but both of us were thinking the same thing. All the horrible scenes from movies where children get kidnapped raced through our minds. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life, screaming in my head “What happened to my baby?”
My husband found a Target worker nearby and told him that our son was missing. The worker asked my husband what our son was wearing. Remembering that he took a few camera phone photos earlier in the store, he showed the picture of our son to the worker. Definitely a bit embarrassing, but more on that later.
The worker, after seeing the photo, said into his headset, “Code yellow, code yellow, there’s an Asian boy wearing a blue shirt with red stripe who is missing.” He then asked us to go wait at guest services. Our hearts sank with every passing second. We quickly walked towards guest services holding onto our daughter’s hand, as she kept asking “Where is he? Where did he go?”
Finally, at guest services, I saw my son waiting there. He burst out crying the moment he saw us as well. I ran towards him and hugged him tighter than I’ve ever hugged him. At that moment, nothing else really mattered except for the fact that I had him safely in my arms again. Now that the incident is over, I realize that it doesn’t really matter if my children do 50 activities, or just a few. I just want them to be healthy and happy, just like what I wished for when they were first born.
When we had dinner with our friends over the weekend and told them the story, we cracked up when we realized which picture my husband had shown the employee who was helping us. Good thing it wasn’t my daughter who went missing! We would have had to show them this super helpful photo.
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Nami, this is such a touching post that I think every single parent can relate to. This feeling for our children never goes away, even when they are 20 years old! Thank you for sharing this sweet story.
Hi Valerie! I’m sorry for my late response. Yeah I can imagine that. No matter how old your kids are (either 2 year old or 7 year old in my case), I still worry the same amount! 🙂 Thank you for your comment!
I can only imagine what you must have gone through… This is a hardest moment any parent can imagine facing… I had been through this and I know how it feels….
Now that A is hardly around I’m becoming more n more finicky n hyper sometime I even make my elder one sit in the cart to make sure I don’t end up leaving him behind…
I’m so glad that he was safe n there… You are right moment like this really make us realize what is most important in our life.
Hi Reem! I’m so sorry for my late response. I can see the pressure and responsibility you have these days without A. It could happen when we’re least expecting, and that was exactly in our case. Let’s keep our children close. 🙂 Thank you Reem!
This is a very touching story, a scary event and a great way to put things in perspective. Thank you for sharing. I remember still clearly 2 incidents where I got lost from my mom when shopping. Today I laugh at the memories and kind of see them as inpiring moments. Hope it will be the same for your son.
I’m so sorry for my late response. I hope both of my children remember it at least for next 5 years! On the other hand, I’d never ever forget that feeling… but I learned a lot. 🙂 Thank you so much for your comment, Evelyne!
Hi Nami! Thanks for sharing your story! I don’t have kids yet, but I know exactly how your son felt — I used to get lost in stores a lot when I was his age! I was always reunited with my family safe and sound, even the time I lost them during the Golden Gate Bridge Anniversary walk and that was quite a crowd. It always helped that I knew my phone number and address and not to wander off with strangers. If your kids know what to do to help themselves when they get lost, then you both feel a lot safer. 🙂 Sounds like your son did a good job himself! Thanks for your great blog!
Hi Anne! I’m so sorry for my late response. OMG, I saw the image of the GGB anniversary walk before…and you got lost?! That must be the scariest experience for you! I’d be in total panic, especially in that much crowd. My kids know our phone numbers, although they tried to share it with others in the beginning! Thank you so much for your comment. 🙂
Glad that everything turned out fine Nami. Thats a scary situation for parents. I experienced a similar situation years ago. I got lost when I was a kid and finally parents found me 2 hours later. It was a horrible experience for me. As a mother now, I can imagine what my parents must have gone through.
Thanks for this thought provoking post.
Hi Shruti! I’m sorry for my late response. Wow 2 hrs later! Both you and your parents must had a very hard two hours… 🙁 Yeah, becoming a parent, we actually learned a lot about how our parents have done for us growing up. 🙂 Thank you so much for your comment.
Oh dear… Nami, I can’t even imagine how terrifying it should have been, but so so happy it all turned out well. Sending hugs 🙂
Thanks Gintare! 🙂
Oh Nami, so glad your son is safe and you both are alright! It musst have been a horrible experience, and I do know how helpless you felt. Many years ago I lost Corina too in Germany in the parking garage. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life.
Nami, your children will grow up with love and caring and no extra activities can measure up to that:)
J
Hi Judit! I’m sorry for my late response. Losing your child in the parking garage can be horrifying because you worry about the cars, too. 🙁 I really like how you said about extra activities cannot measure up to the love and caring we give to the kids. I’ll remember that! 🙂 Thank you very much!
Nami-san, it is a crushing feeling of your heart and your stomach feels like lead. Your heart starts to beat fast and your mind begins to race. I am so relieved to hear that all is well but when it happens it is a moment you will never forget. I hope tomorrow is a better day. Take Care, BAM
I’m sorry for my late response. Yes it was, and I will never ever forget this experience. Once in a while I think about it. It’s a great reminder for my kids too, not to stay away from us. 🙂 Thank you for your kind words!
Society and economics are to blame. Whoever came up with the idea of having standards, that all child should know what by what age, and psychiatrist and psychologist who tells us what is wrong and right for our children. Gone are the days when a child should just be a kid. So many things have been invented to make money off children, beauty pageant, fashion shows, ballet, piano, karate, soccer/football league, baseball league. But does any parent or how many parent actually asks the child what they want to do, I believe it is mostly the moms and dads who want to keep up with the neighbors to push their child into having an agenda worst than a professional. Learning curve, learning age, maturity are all based on an individual not by age. Someone who has a PHD might get a head start as compared to another having only an MBA but that’s just the starting point. After the first few years its a free for all. So who cares if a child does not play any musical instruments, the music store, the music teacher, the music school, but it should not be us the parents. Because our children will grow up and tell us I want to play the piano, I want to play the guitar….
Hi John! I apologize for my very late response. Thank you so much for your feedback. True there is a lot of society pressure. I grew up in Japan where all the kids were supposed to go to a cramming school after school. Kids go to “another” school after regular school, and it was the norm (well, I think it’s still the same). My mom was against it (she’s rare) but I felt pressured that I had to just like my friends… Thank you again for writing! 🙂
Oh I didn’t know this post was open for comments lol! I read it as soon as it came in my email. There is nothing more scary than losing your child, parents go through hell in few minutes. I experienced it once like 10 years ago- Aleks went to next street over neighbors backyard and I was so scared that I didn’t even realize that at that time I was 8 and half mon pregnant , I was running like I didn’t have head on my shoulders. It was the most horrible 10 minutes of my life but thankfully people next door street were outside and knew him from our walks so they hold him tightly until I came . He was 3! I am so glad that Enzo was ok…but I can imagine that he was scared as much as you guys! Thank you for sharing your story and for getting me laugh on the end!
I don’t know whether to say lol or to be upset… Poor you!!! I have 5 children and they have all made me go through those terrible moments when every irrational fear is forefront in your mind!
I am so pleased your children are safe. … and also so pleased hat you realised that millions of after school activities do not make the child, the family or, necessarily a happy life or childhood memory for your little one… LOVE is everything …Kisses to your family
Nami! You just made me tear up midway through your post! I could feel your panic. Now that I have a little one as well I just can’t imagine if anything ever happened to him. I’m so glad everything turned out ok!! I know what you mean about a competitive environment, ppl here are lining up for pre-schools and extracurriculars and all kinds of classes and lessons 2 years ahead. It’s crazy! All I want is for Ethan to grow up having as much fun as possible and learn to respect and love all that is around him. Parenthood changes your world and perspectives so much and really teaches you some of the most important lessons in life. Let’s all hold our little ones extra tight tonight. 🙂
Hi Lily! Yes we were lucky this time. Thank you so much for your kind comment. 🙂
Nami, I don’t have children, but can imagine how your heart must have almost stopped thinking what had happened with your son… Luckily everything ended well.
Thank you Sissi!
Oh girl totally got me with your story … I’m not Japanese but am living in Japan, I def. have had those moments too … panic mayhem and a screaming crazy woman sets in with me every time it happens which isn’t very often lol … Early this year we went to the Hannabi festival and before we got to the festival my husband and I were like we have to watch our kids like a hawk giving that over 200, 000 people were estimated to attend … we failed because I had told my husband to take the kids to the grass area behind us to wash our kids hands, while I secure our spot … Miss 2 was dragging her Dad and Mr 5 was lagging trying to put his shoes on … my husband and daughter returned without my son … the sun was setting and slowly fading and I was running tracks up and down the river bank twice calling out his name and trying to with hold the tears from streaming … I finally went back to where we were seated where friends were looking after Miss 2 while My husband went the opposite direction … hadn’t prayed so hard … the last ray of sun was about to disappear and I say my last prayer … and I’m walking down the same path and I see my son pass me holding a stick, a crowd of people about 2 feet in front and a flow of traffic 2 feet behind him … he was walking in the gap … OMG I just swooped my 25kg son up and just hugged him like I had never hugged me before too … he said he was trying to look for Dad but he was washed out with the crowd and then decided to walk with the crowd then decided to walk back towards us … all before the Sun finally disappeared … I can’t speak Japanese to save myself and was ready to summon all the Japanese I could … we were thanking our Lord for blessing us and giving us direction.. thought I share with you my story … because girl you learn to appreciate the the smaller things in life rather than the bigger things placed in front you….love your recipe’s … bless you and everyone always! p.s. looking forward to watching ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2’
Hi Vonnie! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I went to a firework festival in Osaka this past summer and I was SUPER worried about my kids getting lost (I didn’t worry about “kidnapping” – I guess it’s more common here in the US and not so much in Japan). Super crowded and my kids have no idea where we were… I can imagine how panic you were that time! I’m soooo happy you found your son! Sometimes we can’t thank enough for such miracle. Thank you so much for following my blog, and enjoy the movie!! 🙂
i love the incredible hulk. My niece just bought that from Toys R Us. Thanks for sharing your stories. Very touching.
Thanks for reading! I couldn’t stop laughing when my husband showed me the picture of my daughter with the hulk mask!