When I talk to my mommy friends or my children’s classmates’ moms, it seems like our discussion often focuses on which activities our children should participate in to stand out. Maybe it’s because we live in the bay area and the ultra competitive environment creates this behavior.
I often worry about whether my children are falling behind because they are not going to Chinese or Japanese school, or playing club soccer or doing gymnastics. Honestly speaking, between piano lessons and swimming, and teaching them Japanese myself, they barely finish all their homework as it is. I do get concerned when I hear from other parents, “so and so’s schools are already teaching their 2nd grade students 3rd grade math,” etc. All that changed a few weeks ago, when something happened that made me take a step back and realize what’s truly important in life.
Our family went to Target to shop for birthday gifts and home items. My husband took the two children to the toy section to buy birthday gifts while I explored the kitchen section. After 15 minutes or so, I went to meet them in the toy section. As predicted, they were busy looking at what they want for Christmas, instead of selecting something for their friend’s birthday. I then split from them in the toy section so we could finish shopping quickly.
I don’t remember exactly how much time passed (perhaps just 3 or 4 minutes). I found what I wanted to buy, and my husband and my daughter found me at the same time. My husband then asked me about our son, “Where is he?” I looked around and said “I don’t know, I thought he was with you!” My husband then calmly said, “Okay, he was just looking at Legos a minute ago and is probably in another aisle. Let’s go look for him.”
Standing on the opposite ends of the aisles, we walked down the entire toys and outdoor sections and our son was nowhere to be found. I started panicking a bit and made eye contact with my husband from across the aisles. We didn’t speak a word but both of us were thinking the same thing. All the horrible scenes from movies where children get kidnapped raced through our minds. I’ve never been so scared in my entire life, screaming in my head “What happened to my baby?”
My husband found a Target worker nearby and told him that our son was missing. The worker asked my husband what our son was wearing. Remembering that he took a few camera phone photos earlier in the store, he showed the picture of our son to the worker. Definitely a bit embarrassing, but more on that later.
The worker, after seeing the photo, said into his headset, “Code yellow, code yellow, there’s an Asian boy wearing a blue shirt with red stripe who is missing.” He then asked us to go wait at guest services. Our hearts sank with every passing second. We quickly walked towards guest services holding onto our daughter’s hand, as she kept asking “Where is he? Where did he go?”
Finally, at guest services, I saw my son waiting there. He burst out crying the moment he saw us as well. I ran towards him and hugged him tighter than I’ve ever hugged him. At that moment, nothing else really mattered except for the fact that I had him safely in my arms again. Now that the incident is over, I realize that it doesn’t really matter if my children do 50 activities, or just a few. I just want them to be healthy and happy, just like what I wished for when they were first born.
When we had dinner with our friends over the weekend and told them the story, we cracked up when we realized which picture my husband had shown the employee who was helping us. Good thing it wasn’t my daughter who went missing! We would have had to show them this super helpful photo.
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Oh Nami, my heart was pounding as I read your story. This is a parents worst nightmare and even if you lose them for a second, panic sets in.
I’ll never forget a little girl that was in my sons preschool class went to the store with her dad to shop for a holiday gift for her mom, his wife. The mall was very crowded that day and while she was holding her dads hand at the check out counter, for an instant that he let go of her hand to pay the bill, she walked off. Busy looking at all the holiday things, a man took hold of her hand. Not paying attention to see who it was, thinking it was her dad, a woman that knew her, saw her walking out of the mall holding a strangers hand. She stopped her and asked where her dad was….at that moment the man dropped her hand and ran. Had this woman not recognized her, who knows what would have happened to her.
I will never forget this story as her mom told all of us in the preschool. It horrified me to no end. In a split second they could be snatched, especially during the holidays at the mall. My son is now 27 and I remember the story like it was told yesterday.
Always keep them close. We told our kids that story, I’m not sure if that was a good idea or not. But let’s face it, when you have more than one child it’s often hard to hold them both close when out and about. They listened and from that day on never strayed.
I’m so glad your story ended well. The bottom line though, in what you were concerned with in the first place…..your children will excel because you and your husband work with them, nurture them, teach them and expose them to many things. They will never be able to do all the sports out there and quite frankly when they get older, they will choose the ones they prefer. All you can do is your very best and if you do that, they will turn out to be everything and more than you had hoped for. I promise, I have living proof through my own children. You both sound like amazing parents! I’d say don’t worry but let’s face it, that’s a parents job! 😉
Hi Vicki! OMG… I just cannot believe that the girl was ALMOST kidnapped. Thank god there was the lady who knew the girl. If a few second/minute different and no one saw her…it may end up with different story. It give me shivers. This kind of things happen in regular neighborhood where we “thought” it’s safe and all. You just never know. I consider we were lucky this time that there was no one who took our son. And I had never imagined that this would happen to me as they are usually around us. It was a huge lesson for me to be always aware. And thank you so much for your thoughts about raising kids. You just made me feel more confident and assured about what we do. Thank you so much for writing, Vicki!
Oh Nami, I know exactly how terrified and helpless you must have felt when you could not find your son! Thank God you were not separated long!
It happened to us too, twice in fact, once with each of our sons, and in very similar circumstances.
It sure shows you what is most important in life, though, doesn’t it?
Hi Ina! Yeah it wasn’t too long, and gosh I can’t imagine being separated not knowing where each other is for a long time. 🙁 True, we had a great lesson that day. 🙂
Nami,
So glad it all turned out well in the end. I have had a similar experience once and it really does have a way of bringing you back to earth to the realities of what really matters in life. That panic, the helplessness that you feel- the moments that seem like hours- so glad you found him safe and sound. Hugs 🙂
Hi Shefali! Thank you for your kind words. We’ll never ever forget this experience and we learned a lot from this incident. Thank you for your comment! 🙂
Dear Nami,
My son was only 3 when he wandered away from me. My girlfriend & I were shopping in a Target-like store for kid’s clothes, and I looked down and Matt was gone. We looked around and called his name, and he finally came out from between a bunch of men’s pants on very low racks. He was playing hide & seek!! He’s now 45, but your story brought back the terror I felt like it was yesterday. Your priorities are spot on. All that percentile stuff usually evens out after a few years anyway. Rule 1: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule 2: Everything is small stuff>
Hugs,
Diane
Hi Diane! I know I’ll remember our story forever. Hopefully this is the last time! Thank you so much for sharing those rules – that makes sense and good to remember. 🙂
It is scary when you think your child has gone missing. I think that happens at least once to every parent. I also agree, it is so easy to get caught up with “keeping up with the Jones.” As I’ve gotten older, I care less and less about what other people think and focus more on developing close family relationships – that’s the one gift I can give my kids that they can take with them when they leave home.
Thank you Jeanette! That’s a really great lesson I just learned from you. Thank you for sharing!! 🙂
That must be scary!! Glad that it was only for a short little time and that he was found ok… Funny how we can laugh back and things that were bad experiences..
Thanks so much! Yeah, we weren’t laughing until we went home and think about it again…and we went through the pictures in the iphone and realized all crazy pics of kids with the mask! 😀
Dear Nami, What a nightmare for you and your husband, as well as your kids. I HAVE experienced losing my oldest son in the mall when he was little, but it was a long time ago. Even then, the memory of it all makes me shudder and I don’t wish that on anyone. Glad that it worked out and had a happy ending. Thanks for sharing this story. It does put things in a different perspective. Take care and stay well 🙂
Thank you so much Elizabeth! It was one horrifying experience, but important lesson we needed to learn. 🙂
Nami, What a terrible experience! I think that is one of the ugliest feelings you could ever feel as a parent. I had a similar experience with my 3 yr old niece at Disneyland. She ran off when she saw two of the cartoon characters. And you can imagine the crowds that are usually around them. It was the scariest feeling in the world! I am so glad you had a good outcome to your story.
Hi Mary! Disneyland! That’s one big scary place to lose a child! Kids are usually overly-excited and it’s so hard to keep them around to begin with. I’m so glad your niece was safe! Than you for sharing your story! 🙂
That is a scare, so glad he was safe and you all are fine now. Brought some tears now, it is the most scary situation any parent can be in. I hate reliving the one we were in a few years ago.
About the talks on academics and activities, I live in Fremont, the kids go to a private school, so you can imagine the talks here. My husband and I consciously made a decision to see what our kids are doing and never ever get into this race. I agree with you that it is a Bay area thing, private, public..too much. With just couple of activities each for the boys, we are completely drained, our weekends are packed. Don’t stress, the kids come out great ultimately whether they are doing 5th grade math in 3 grade or not.
You are so right, the kids safe, healthy and happy is the most important of all and the other things are just additions. Hugs to your little ones.
Hi Ash! Yeah I know Fremont is very competitive! Everyone (parents) is trying so hard to find some unique activities and stuff. It’s a good learning lesson for me to re-focus on our time together as family and most important things in life. 🙂 Thank you for your kind comment!
Hi Nami, thanks for sharing your story. I think it is every parent’s nightmare to lose their child in a crowded place.We always hang on to our kids really tight, seems overprotective but that’s the way I would have it. Enjoy your weekend with the kids.
Hi Yen! Yes, I agree. They usually stay around us so this incident totally threw us out and we were totally in panic. I hope you have a good weekend too!
oh Nami, I got panicked as I read through your post, thank God all was well again with u and family! I think its onlynatural for moms to worry about the ‘achievements’ of our kids, but I am just like u these days, just want my daughter to be happy.
p/s: on brighter note, my Castella cake is in the oven now, thanks to your recipe! I will report how gorgeous they turn out in 35 mins :p
Hi Jehanne! I can easily get trapped in those mommy talks. I wasn’t like this until elementary school (while all moms were taking to those infant classes, I was just easy going). I guess I started to worry about “college” and then I fell into tiger mom routes. LOL! I’m kidding – I’m not even close to that too… But yes, I learned a big lesson about real important things in life! Hope you enjoyed Castella cakes! Thank you so much for trying that recipe! 🙂
Nami: Thank you SO much for sharing your story; you are so right, love is the most
important thing and I am glad that everything turned out o.k. for you! You can bet
there was an angel sitting on your son’s shoulder that day! I had that experience
with my son so many years ago! Turns out he was “hiding” in the coat racks and an
end cap blocked my view. My heart was in my throat. I just kept praying that he would
be o.k. and so he was. He got a big hug and a MAJOR lecture, because he had been told never to do that. May you always be blessed with your loving ways.
p.s. Love your recipes! I have a terrible problem with wheat, so Japanese and Thai
cooking are a delight to learn.
Hi “peppermint” patty! Thank you very much for reading my story and thanks for your kind wordss. I remember I took my kids to shop my clothes once and I end up looking for them rather than shopping, so I gave up taking the kids to shop after that. 😀 I’m glad to hear you enjoy my recipes and thank you so much for following my blog! 🙂
Oh Nami, I can imagine how scary that must have been and so relieved and happy that you found him safe and sound. Thank you for sharing this personal post and reminding us about appreciating the simple things in life.
Thank you for reading Kelly! 🙂
I was the kid who would stop to read a label at the grocery store and look up and my mother had left me. I always got scolded for “running off” even though I never moved from the spot she left me, or I’d just track her down and she didn’t even notice I was gone. To this day, as an adult, we can’t go anywhere without her leaving me somewhere. Just last year I spent an hour hunting her down through Walmart on a crowded day before the holidays.
Although I’m glad you’re taking the time to teach them Japanese. One of my biggest regrets is that I never learned much Japanese growing up. It is so much harder to learn it as an adult!
Haha, it was a little funny when you labeled as “running off” kid when you didn’t even move. LOL. I always thought teaching my language to the kids is easy especially that’s my first language and I’m Japanese (from Japan)… but I marry to a Chinese who doesn’t speak Japanese, and it’s so hard to switch back and forth between Japanese and English (and I’m not very language person). Parents must either speak less in one language or very good with switching between two languages otherwise it’s easy to fail to teach… I often continuously talk in English to my kids after talking to my husband. I just can’t switch back and forth… And I thought it’s easy to teach Japanese to my kids because I speak Japanese… NOT! 🙁 But I do hope they have enough Japanese that they can go to Japan and live okay… They are learning Spanish in school already and I’d be disappointed if they pick up Spanish faster than Japanese! >_<
Hi. I am so happy to hear that you found your son. And I totally agree with you about all these activities for children, in Sweden it I s the same, parents send children to do many activities an they have full days. I remember when I was little there were not so many activities and we played outside a lot freely instead. I will not send my children to so many activities, I would say one day per week is enough.
Ciao
Thank you! It’s funny parents around the world are worrying about the same thing. And I do remember I used to play all the time after the school and how fun I had back then. Poor kids these days… they always need parents to arrange “play date” to even meet other friends, and even your kids are free, others may have busy activity schedule. LOL. We spend one day for piano and one day for swimming, but I feel like our after school is always rushing to do homework and all the other necessary things! Almost due date?